


Drowning in emptiness

by CupidsAero



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupidsAero/pseuds/CupidsAero
Summary: Jun knows something is wrong with him, but how would the others react when they find out?I suck at summaries and sincerely hope that the story is better than this summary.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Chwe Hansol | Vernon & Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kim Mingyu/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Lee Chan | Dino/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Lee Seokmin | DK/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

Hi. This is going to be a fic about Junhui and how everybody in Seventeen loves him it is going to have angst, so if you have any triggers **PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS if it is unsafe for you.**

I will try to remember to put warnings in the notes if it has harmful topics but, and I am really sorry for this, I have a bad memory so if I don't, i am sorry. The beginning of this will be a transfer of my work on Wattpad and I will continue it from there. Comments are welcome and I am a new writer so please don't hate me if this ends badly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the story.

' _Why can I not be the person_ _everyone expects of me?_ _I am just a disappointment_. _There is no reason for me to stay here in Seventeen. It is selfish of me to even still be here_.' Jun's sigh was soft as he leaned against the wall in the restroom, shaking from all the thoughts. The thoughts were taking over his mind. He had no way of knowing how loved he was. Everyone was busy preparing for the new comeback to even notice how much time he spent, by himself somedays, other days trying to make small talk with the other members as if asking them to reassure him that they loved him. 

Jun had never been the most confident member of Seventeen, far from it, but he never exactly had complete control over his thoughts and emotions, having been a child actor had helped a lot, but not to control, more to contain and hide.

"Junnie-hyung, are you alright?" The soft voice of Minghao drifted through the thin door of the restroom. Jun was curled into a ball, huddled on the ground. "Yeah, I am fine Haohao, just nervous." The words left his mouth without permission. Honestly he wanted them to notice, wanted to tell them, wanted for them to be worrying over him, but it was too selfish of a thought to voice, such a selfish thought, he was ashamed of thinking it. "Okay hyung, the stylist-noonas moved you to last for getting makeup ready. Please don't be nervous, you will do amazing, as always." Minghao then turned and walked away, having no idea how grateful Jun honestly was for those simple words. 

Jun stayed seated on the floor of the restroom for a few minutes more before standing and rinsing his face, knowing that the stylist-noonas we're going to be concerned about his eyes which were puffy from his crying, and therefore trying to rinse his face to make the puffiness go away. Finally deeming his face appearance-worthy, he headed to the makeup room. He entered the room and saw the majority of the group practicing for the performance, so he just stood in the middle of the room questioning where he should be. 

Suddenly arms wrapped around his waist and he heard a honey-like voice whisper in his ear. "Are you feeling well Junnie-ah? You seem kind of pale." Jun paused considering telling him, wondering how he would react. "...I am fine Jisoo-hyung" he habitually lied, though hesitantly, not wanting to worry the group that already had so much pressure on them. "Okay Junnie, but do you promise to tell me if you start to feel bad?" No hesitation. "I promise, hyung." He immediately gave a big smile to Jisoo-hyung, making the American boy relax. "Ok Jun, also, the stylists sent me here to tell you they are ready for you." He motioned to the stylists who were getting Jun's makeup ready. "Ok hyung, thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun has a panic attack in front of the others.

Jun headed over to the makeup-noona and sat down, slumping in his chair from exhaustion. He noticed how the noona frowned at his face, puffy from crying. He saw her look at him worriedly and he gave her a, fake but effective, smile. She seemed to relax at the smile, figuring that there was a reason, but he was fine for now. 

As she put the make up on his face, he closed his eyes resting his head on the headrest and tried to somewhat calm down. He had been feeling anxious all day and he did NOT want to have a panic attack in front of the group. 

He thought about the performance they were about to have, and how wonderful it was going to be. Then, he thought about how he had messed up on the choreography a few times a little while before, when they had been polishing up on the choreography to make sure everything was perfect. He knew Hoshi was angry with him for messing up. 

He was-is- supposed to be perfect. 

He is part of the Performance Unit. 

He dances. 

That is what he is good at. 

He was- suddenly a nudge startled him. He jumped and his chair fell back, he saw the noona staring at him in shock before she shook her head, as if to clear the thoughts in her head. The lady stepped forward, her hand out as if to help him stand, and his breathing stopped. All eyes were on him, he couldn't hear anything he crawled back, moving as far away from her as he could. His back hit the wall but he kept moving until he was in a corner where he curled into a small, shaking ball and cried.

Everybody else in the room had turned when he fell from the chair and Seungcheol had been heading over to make sure Jun was all right when he moved to the corner and started crying. 

They were lost. What was happening? Everybody except for the Seventeen members left to give the members privacy. The only noise was Jun's sobs, which were gradually getting softer. Suddenly, he was trying to breath but couldn't, Seungcheol quickly snapped out of his daze and ran over to him, rubbing small circles on his back. "Breathe, baby, breathe." Jeonghan, who was standing right behind Coups said in a calming voice. 

Everybody was giving them space, not sure what else to do. Jun had never acted this way before, they never thought he would have a panic attack. He always seemed so calm and collected, it scared them. Hoshi was hugging Chan who was crying, not caring that his makeup was getting all over Hoshi's shirt and smearing on his face. Joshua was holding Seungkwan who was in the same position as Chan. Jun was breathing again after a few seconds of Seungcheol and Jeonghan trying to calm him, his shaking steadily decreased and he fell sideways into Seungcheol, who wrapped his arms around him. 

Jun felt himself being lifted off the floor and shifted into the strong, steady arms holding him. He was too tired to fight anymore. He felt his eyes close as sleep enveloped him.

Seungcheol sat Junhui down on the couch, gently stroking his hair as if he would disappear at any given moment. "Will hyung be ok?" The silence was broken by the tearful Maknae who was still in the performance leaders arms.

S.Coups hesitated before turning around and sighing. "I don't know, Channie" he replied honestly. Jeonghan, who was crying also, walked over to Seungcheol and hugged him comfortingly. "He will, Cheol. We will talk to him when he wakes up." He, then, let go of Seungcheol and turned to let in the noonas and let them freshen up everybody's makeup. The noonas agreed to call the manager and let him know what happened, as well as keep an eye on Jun while they performed. "Let's go out there and make Junnie proud." Was what Hoshi said as they went towards the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any feedback, good or bad, feel free to comment and share them with me. Comments really help me improve my writing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seventeen talk to Junhui.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language and I have a friend that is American and usually checks my work, but she has been visiting her dad in America, so if there is anything wrong, please tell me so I can correct it.

The concert was good, them excusing Jun's absence by saying that he got sick shortly before the concert and couldn't join them because of that. 

When the concert was over, everyone went backstage where Jun was still asleep on the couch. Jun's hyungs and the performance leader looked at him worriedly and, all at the same time, looked at each other. Everybody had went from super hyped from the concert to really calm in order to not wake Junhui up. They calmly got ready to leave and then scoups slid his hands under Jun and picked him up again. They walked to the vans their manager had brought over for them and scoups, Jeonghan, Jisoo, and Hoshi all claimed the van with Jun to ride in, leaving the others in the other van. 

While the manager, who the noonas had already filled in on what happened, drove the other boys in the van talked about how they would have to approach Jun in order to get him to talk.

When they got home, Seungcheol carried Jun to his room and Cheol and Jeonghan layed down and slept in the other bed in the room together. 

Jun woke up confused, he looked around not remembering how he got there. As he looked around, he saw S. Coups and Jeonghan watching him curiously. "You awake?" Jeonghan was the first one to speak, his voice gentle and concerned. Jun froze as the memories from the day before came rushing back. He moved to the corner of the bed and curled into a ball, his breathing getting uneven and rough.

Immediately Jeonghan and Coups stood and was on his bed, whispering comforting words and softly rubbing circles on his back. They looked at each other, not knowing what was wrong and wanting know if the other knew how to proceed or knew what was wrong to begin with.

"Aegi, what's wrong?" Seungcheol whispered the question while gently running his hand through Jun's hair. Jun leaned into the touch, not answering. There were tear streaks on his face from the day before, that Cheol and Jeonghan hadn't washed off his face when they changed his clothes and put him in bed.

They sat like that until Jun's breathing evened out. "Junnie-ah, what happened yesterday?" Jeonghan's soft, motherly voice made Jun hiccup and let a few more years roll down his cheeks, Coups cupped Jun's face in his hands, softly rubbing his thumb over the tears that ran down his cheeks. "Aegi, I know you might not want to, but we have to talk about this." Jeonghan sighed, his worry evident in his eyes.

As soon as Jeonghan finished the sentence, Jun started talking. "I didn't want to worry you all. I know you're busy and I didn't want to burden any of you." They looked at each other in shock. "Aegi, you can tell us anything, you know that right? Did we do something wrong?" Jeonghan was already close to tears at just the thought of them doing something to make his precious dongsaeng not trust him. "No, hyung, of course not. You didn't do anything wrong."

Joshua and Hoshi decided to walk in at that moment. When they saw Jun was awake, they lightly walked over to the bed and sat at Jun's feet. Jeonghan sighed, "Aegi, please, if we didn't do something wrong, what happened?" Jun went quiet, thinking. Joshua and Hoshi looked at Coups who lightly shook his head in return. "It's just..." A few more tears made their way down Jun's face, immediately Josh and Hoshi cooed sadly. Jeonghan wrapped Jun in a hug, shushing him and gently rocking him from side to side. "Hey, shh, it's okay...hey I've got you, you're okay, Aegi." As Jeonghan was talking Jun calmed down a little, but he immediately started trying to finish his sentence, "It's just that I don't really contribute to the group, I am just in charge of being a dancer and I'm not even that good of a dancer. Hoshi-hyung is the best dancer and he and Channie make amazing choreography, and The8 figures out how the choreography goes and how to do it so quickly s-same with Woozi and it just feels like I shouldn't be in this group and M-mingyu is an amazing visual a-and Coups-hyung is so good at keeping all of us together and peaceful a-and I am not good at a-anything." He finished and started sobbing again.

The others were frozen, unsure of how to approach the situation. Jeonghan was the first one to react, reaching for Jun's face and softly kissing him. "Oh, Aegi, did you even listen to yourself?" Jun looked up in confusion, "Wh-what?" He managed to get out. "You are an amazing dancer." Hoshi said, tears streaking down his cheeks. "And you help me so much with dances, even if you don't flat out tell me a dance move, you are part of my inspiration." Tears were pouring out of all of their eyes by now. "And, I am not the only reason that we live in such peace. You keep track of everyone's emotions and when they are on their best days, and when they are having a good day. You are the reason we all get along so often." Coups finished and lightly hugged Jun, who Hoshi was still holding onto. After a second, the rest of them joined as well.

All of them just held onto each other through the tears. After a minute Jeonghan pulled back a little and lightly sighed, "Do you understand what you mean to us yet?" He said lightly stroking Jun's hair. The others smiled sadly as he nodded with happy tears running down his cheeks. "You mean everything to us, Aegi." Jun smiled when Hoshi said that.

"Next time you feel like that, Junnie, please come to us. We love you, please don't forget that." Joshua watched as Jun nodded, sniffling a little.

They sat like that a little while longer, before deciding to get all of the matresses and put them on the floor so that they could sleep and cuddle together. Jeonghan picked Jun up when the whole matress thing was ready and his brow furrowed at how light Jun was, but figured he should wait to ask about that, and he gently layed him in the middle of all the people that loved him, between Hoshi and Coups.

'We love you' those were the last words that were going through Jun's head as he nodded off to sleep tangled in the limbs of a family that loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is it. Thank you to anyone who has shown interest in this fic and for everyone who left kudos, it really makes my day. Thank you for reading this.


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